Spring is Finally Here
Spring is here at last. The entire world is in bloom. At least my hemisphere, at any rate. Yesterday the trees in my backyard were mostly barren, covered only with a thousand tiny buds that would soon be leaves. Overnight they opened, and when I stepped out onto my patio this morning I was greeted by the sight of those beautiful young leaves, so green and new against the old, brown bark of the trees that had worked so hard to birth them. A thresh sat on one limb of my tallest tree, trilling its song to the dawn sun that was slowly rising behind my house. Its mate answered the call from above, where she was circling in the clear blue sky. They are building a nest in that tree. Soon I will have little baby birds chirping outside my bedroom. I am certain I will be quite annoyed with this development at six am on Saturday mornings, but I am overjoyed that of all the yards in my neighborhood, they have chosen mine in which to raise their family.
The roses in my front yard are thriving. One has grown several inches since I planted them only a few weeks ago. My pansies, snapdragons, and marigolds are in full bloom. I thought I had lost all of the impatiens in the cold snap last week, but wonder of wonders, one of them is slowly starting to recover. My dogs don’t know quite what to make of all these developments. At this time last year Tiny was not yet born and Princess was still new to this world, her eyes not even open. So this is their first real spring. It is an utter joy to watch them delight in something as simple as the first green blades of grass poking through the faded brown of last years final growth.
I too am changing as the days grow longer and warmer. Spring is the time of birth, or growth, and of renewal. I can feel all the new life entering the world and it gives me the first hope I’ve had in months. Winter is necessary. Aye, for life can not exist without periods of rest, and in the end the death that must come to all. But I dislike the starkness, the barrenness of it, and the sorrow that death must exist at all. Yet, where would we be without it? Life is precious only because of our mortality. If we were to live forever, what worth would one laugh, one kiss, one love hold? Because we must die, and because that death could come knocking at any moment, each of these is made precious to us. For we know that someday they –and we –shall be gone. And all that shall be left behind are memories of what was, and the love that was given.
Strange, to be thinking of Death at this time of Life new-born. But the two are forever entwined. I have spent the past couple of years seeking. I thought that I knew the path I would take in life. God and Fate had other ideas. I have spent the time since seeking my road, and the meaning of it all. Last night I dove down into the darkness, into all the pain and the suffering I have undergone. Today I am looking at the lighter side of things, of love and hope and joy. Once upon a time I lost God, only to find her in the veins of a leaf on an autumn day. And again in the eyes of a puppy who desperately needed a home, and who laid down on my feet at a street festival and refused to move. And has been both my biggest source of both joy and consternation ever since.
I have been lost for so long that I have no idea what it would feel like to be found. My previous anchoring was unsteady, one based on arrogance and pride. Both the natural results of being a teenager and having to shield oneself from the harsh reality of an unsafe world merely to survive. And when I found myself in a world where I no longer had to continually fight for survival, the dam that held back the swollen river of emotions from flooding my soul broke and I was swept out to sea. Ever since I have been lost there.
But slowly over the past few years guideposts have been emerging from the darkness. UU, my friends, the over-active lab puppy so eager to get her food in the morning she accidentally knocks me over and scatters it as often as not. I may not yet know who and what I am, but I have a clear sense now of my beliefs and my values.
And I think that maybe, just maybe, I am starting to gain a small glimmer of the meaning of Life. Or at least, the meaning of my life. And it’s nothing like what I was taught to believe or expected. It’s not about success, or money, or one-upmanship, not how many friends one has or how much, not achieving dreams or goals, not about being liked or earning points towards getting into heaven. And I may have learned it from my dogs.
I think that life just may be about one thing and one thing only: Love. Giving as much of it as you can to everything you can. Family, friends, neighbors, pets, even the Earth itself. This is how my dogs live. They don’t know fear, or anger, or jealousy, or hurt. All they know is love. Slowly I’m beginning to think that maybe that is why we are here as well. To love as much as possible. Even if no ever loves you in return, and if that love is never recognized by anyone. And despite all the trials and tribulations that go along with being alive.
Maybe this is right and maybe it’s wrong. But it’s the only meaning I’ve ever stumbled across that makes any sense to me at all. This revelation came to me while I was eating lunch, of all things. I still have no idea who or what I really am. And even the answer to this may change.
But it’s a start. And in the meantime, the sun is shining and spring is here. What more could I ask for?
The roses in my front yard are thriving. One has grown several inches since I planted them only a few weeks ago. My pansies, snapdragons, and marigolds are in full bloom. I thought I had lost all of the impatiens in the cold snap last week, but wonder of wonders, one of them is slowly starting to recover. My dogs don’t know quite what to make of all these developments. At this time last year Tiny was not yet born and Princess was still new to this world, her eyes not even open. So this is their first real spring. It is an utter joy to watch them delight in something as simple as the first green blades of grass poking through the faded brown of last years final growth.
I too am changing as the days grow longer and warmer. Spring is the time of birth, or growth, and of renewal. I can feel all the new life entering the world and it gives me the first hope I’ve had in months. Winter is necessary. Aye, for life can not exist without periods of rest, and in the end the death that must come to all. But I dislike the starkness, the barrenness of it, and the sorrow that death must exist at all. Yet, where would we be without it? Life is precious only because of our mortality. If we were to live forever, what worth would one laugh, one kiss, one love hold? Because we must die, and because that death could come knocking at any moment, each of these is made precious to us. For we know that someday they –and we –shall be gone. And all that shall be left behind are memories of what was, and the love that was given.
Strange, to be thinking of Death at this time of Life new-born. But the two are forever entwined. I have spent the past couple of years seeking. I thought that I knew the path I would take in life. God and Fate had other ideas. I have spent the time since seeking my road, and the meaning of it all. Last night I dove down into the darkness, into all the pain and the suffering I have undergone. Today I am looking at the lighter side of things, of love and hope and joy. Once upon a time I lost God, only to find her in the veins of a leaf on an autumn day. And again in the eyes of a puppy who desperately needed a home, and who laid down on my feet at a street festival and refused to move. And has been both my biggest source of both joy and consternation ever since.
I have been lost for so long that I have no idea what it would feel like to be found. My previous anchoring was unsteady, one based on arrogance and pride. Both the natural results of being a teenager and having to shield oneself from the harsh reality of an unsafe world merely to survive. And when I found myself in a world where I no longer had to continually fight for survival, the dam that held back the swollen river of emotions from flooding my soul broke and I was swept out to sea. Ever since I have been lost there.
But slowly over the past few years guideposts have been emerging from the darkness. UU, my friends, the over-active lab puppy so eager to get her food in the morning she accidentally knocks me over and scatters it as often as not. I may not yet know who and what I am, but I have a clear sense now of my beliefs and my values.
And I think that maybe, just maybe, I am starting to gain a small glimmer of the meaning of Life. Or at least, the meaning of my life. And it’s nothing like what I was taught to believe or expected. It’s not about success, or money, or one-upmanship, not how many friends one has or how much, not achieving dreams or goals, not about being liked or earning points towards getting into heaven. And I may have learned it from my dogs.
I think that life just may be about one thing and one thing only: Love. Giving as much of it as you can to everything you can. Family, friends, neighbors, pets, even the Earth itself. This is how my dogs live. They don’t know fear, or anger, or jealousy, or hurt. All they know is love. Slowly I’m beginning to think that maybe that is why we are here as well. To love as much as possible. Even if no ever loves you in return, and if that love is never recognized by anyone. And despite all the trials and tribulations that go along with being alive.
Maybe this is right and maybe it’s wrong. But it’s the only meaning I’ve ever stumbled across that makes any sense to me at all. This revelation came to me while I was eating lunch, of all things. I still have no idea who or what I really am. And even the answer to this may change.
But it’s a start. And in the meantime, the sun is shining and spring is here. What more could I ask for?
posted by RAS at 4/05/2006 01:03:00 PM
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